Not So Strong In This One...

George Lucas hates me. He hates me because I'm not 5-12 years old and my parents don't have a large amount of disposable income. He hates me because I grew up and became less susceptible to advertainment. He hates me because I don't have, need or want, a lunch box with matching flask anymore. There was a time when I thought we'd made up, that we were buds again; The Force Unleashed was for me, a present to say sorry about all the lies, the crushing disappointment, Jar Jar. It was like the old days, hanging out, talking about Kurosawa, the best places to buy stylin' checked shirts and growing beards. I should have known. I should have known that he'd just let me down again.

The demo for Republic Heroes hit Xbox Live this week, and, predictably, it's not very good. A fixed camera third person romp with an oddly Irish sounding Yoda guiding you through a non-descript desert-ish planet and explaining that, using "the force" you are able to do "double jumps" which are "powerful". Ever since Midichlorians, the mystique and mythology that surrounded the original trilogy has been constantly diluted, with videogames often the worst offenders, and Republic Heroes is no exception. The force is little more than a dull gameplay element here, you can push stuff and pull stuff, as long as it's highlighted, as long as the designers want you to at that point in proceedings. You could copy and paste any identikit kids license over the top of the game you've got here and the result would be exactly the same; a boring waste of time.

I know it's not for cynical, twenty something geeks, that it's "for the kids", but kids aren't stupid; just because you've made a bad game with a license, doesn't mean young 'uns are going to lap it up. In fact, if anything, children are more discerning than adults. If they don't like something, you're going to find out about it. And probably get some food thrown at you into the bargain. Good games and bad games are universal, that's how it works, licensing doesn't change that fact, it just annoys more people in the process. If you want to be friends again Mr. Lucas, you should have a long hard think about that.